My son and I have a pretty good relationship. He says and does goofy things – more than you might expect – and when I came across an old status update on Facebook’s “on this day” feature, I decided to go back and find my favorite updates springing from my relationship with him.
This is a pretty good selection of them; I know there are some that aren’t there, I just can’t put my hands on them, but will add them if/when I come across them again.
These aren’t in any specific order, more often than not they just happen to be the order in which they showed up in my search. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did re-living the experiences behind them.
March 27, 2014
The boy lost a tooth tonight. So for our evening story, I felt duty bound to tell him about the “Tooth Ogre” who uses kids’ teeth as a pretext for the opportunity to be invited into their rooms so she can drool on them.
March 4, 2015
As he was going to bed, I told him I love him. He then says, “ever since I could understand words, all I’ve heard you say is that you’re going to love me always no matter what.” I consider that a win.
July 23, 2017
Please stop telling the boy that hes my mini-me. It’s preventing me from calling him “Stinky” and “Clown faced dog.” Thank you.
October 1, 2011
The latest bed-time avoidance questions: “Are bunnies enemies of penguins?” and “how long can you let a fan run for 50-days without turning it off?”
July 14, 2010
The Boy said he was supposed to have a date with his girlfriend Melanie today, but she is 16 and decided to go on vacation today. He says she’s a good kisser.
May 27, 2015 ·
The Boy: “You know that awkward moment when you see a pretty girl sitting by herself and you ask her if she wants to sit with you and stuff and she says ‘No, I’m sitting with somebody…’?”
December 22, 2017
The boy is making his lunch with one hand, and holding his phone in the other watching YouTube videos.
“Why don’t you out your phone down and pay attention to what you’re doing?”
Puts phone down face up on the counter and keeps watching videos.
May 4, 2012
Me: “So how come you don’t like her? She likes you.”
The Boy: “She’s mature…and I’m not.”
Me: “So, that’s a problem for you?”
The Boy: “Yeah, I don’t like mature people.”
June 1, 2015
He just showed me his persuasive writing paper and I’m now absolutely convinced that robot teachers are bad teachers. I didn’t even know there was a controversy.
May 27, 2014
Tonight’s bedtime story was about the boy and me hitchhiking on the moon, en route to the dark side to see if there were aliens on that side. We got picked up by one of those aliens, and he didn’t want to let us out. So the boy distracted him by playing Scrabble while I took over the ship and flew it home. Of course, the only Scrabble board was in the alien’s language and he got all flustered when the boy was making up nonsense words, so when we landed on Earth, the alien simply stormed off. All of which the boy seemed to enjoy, but I lost all credibility when I suggested that I think the alien works at Wal-Mart now. He found everything else believable except that.
November 28, 2012
My favorite quote from his letter to Santa – here’s the boy stating his case: “My room is kind of messy, but I clean it sometimes…like last month.
February 26, 2015
The boys words of wisdom while avoiding bedtime:
“What if the toothfairy has a pawn shop?”
“I had to do an opinion paper – I wrote ‘Robot Teachers are bad’”
“Think about a fancy girl wearing a jewel encrusted hat…her head would keep falling down…”
“I had to look up how to spell ‘ironic’ in one of those books with the list of words…”
October 11, 2014
Out of nowhere, he says “I like talking to you, Dad” Me, thinking I’m #doingitright: “Thank you, boy. You know you can tell me anything, right?” The Boy:”Yeah, When we talk I learn all kinds of dumb things…”
May 2, 2015
The Boy: “I’ve got Thor’s bat!”
“But Thor had a hammer”
The Boy “Not when he played baseball…”
July 2, 2017
So here’s the latest letter home from camp from the boy:
“I am awesome.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I found expired glue. I got my memory foam pillow and it is good. I went to do riflery. I’m not dead and I’m happy. ”
June 1, 2015
“You should play this game. You can get married, get a dream home, and have kids.”
I already got married, have a dream home and have kids…
“Yeah, but this is fun…”
October 11, 2015
“If we get snatched by a ton of bats, I’m blaming it on you.”
December 21, 2015
Scene: At the bus stop
Me: Hey man, how do you put your jacket on inside-out?
The Boy: Same way I put sweatpants on backwards two days in a row. I was in Social Studies and realized I had a pocket in front.
August 12, 2014
The Boy: “This place is really organized”
Me: “Honey, this is a bathroom.”
May 21, 2017
The Boy: “You’re bleeding.”
Me: “I know. How manly is that?” He asks, hoping to impress the boy.
B: “How’d that happen?” Questioning further
M: “I stuck my finger on a thorn”
B: “Not very.”
October 2, 2011
We’re watching Spongebob, and the boy blurts out, “Yeah, that’s what she said…”
December 31, 2014
Picked up my first pair of glasses today. The boy tells me, “You kind of look like Papa [my Dad] in those.” He had no idea how big a compliment that was to me.
“how do you spell ‘Goober Doober’?”. G-o-o-b-e-r d-o-o-b-e-r. “Nice, I DO know how to spell make believe words.”
On our way home tonight, the boy says, “I saw this great quote: ‘There are only two days in your life that matter – the day you’re born and the day you realize why.’ I know that I’ve had them both already.”
Suitably impressed, I say “Really. So what have you realized about why you were born?” To which he said, “I dunno.”
More words of wisdom from the boy: “I think the zombies had a pretty good life before the plants showed up.”
I told the boy that he needed to learn to poop on the potty. He looked at me and said, “relax.” Oh man…