When you see someone you haven’t seen in a while, the changes in their appearance since when last you were in each others’ presence jump right out at you; weight loss, weight gain, etc. When you see someone you see frequently, subtle changes are sometimes harder to divine, but dramatic ones become immediately noticeable: a hair cut, glasses, a sunburn.

Commonly, when you notice these dramatic changes, you decide one of two qualitative things: this is a positive change and the person looks better, or this is a negative change and the person looks worse. The social calculus there is a little muddy in as much as a lot depends on your relationship with that person, but often one will comment on those changes that are positive.

When you consciously make these changes, you look for some of this feedback, particularly if the change made is not a frequently made change. I take these opportunities as an opportunity to gauge my relationships with co-workers; if you experience life as a continuous opportunity to receive feedback, you can learn an awful lot about your relationships and about other people.

Over the weekend, I did something I haven’t done in some time: I shaved. For the last 6 years or so, I’d sported a “Vandyck,” the more proper name for that which we as a culture call a “goatee” – the difference being, Shaggy from the old Scooby Doo cartoons had a goatee. “Black Jack” McDowell, former White Sox pitcher, wore a Vandyck (He was the first person in the pop spotlight that I could think of who was wearing one before every record store clerk was). 

The practical effects of this move to me personally were to reveal a couple of features: the slimming effects of the beard to my face were immediately noticeable once gone AND the aging effects of the beard to my face were immediately noticeable once gone. I now look several years younger, but alas several pounds heavier.

Being the ever conscious people watcher, I was naturally quite curious what the response would be: would my close colleagues say anything? When I lost 15-20 pounds, several people told me that I looked good. When I gained 15 of it, no one said anything. When I originally started my beard, I had been on vacation for a few weeks and got a couple of double takes, but no one said anything. I figured I was friendly enough with the folks in my office that someone would have said something: either positive or negative. 

This befuddles me. Does this then equate socially with gaining 15 pounds? Did I underestimate my relationship with my co-workers? Did the effect of adding more weight to my appearance negate any positive of the effects of making me look younger?  Perhaps I underestimate the positive of looking younger?  Perhaps I have that all backwards as well - perhaps it's had no effect or a deleterious effect on my overall appearance...perhaps I look older as well as heavier.  Were people avoiding an awkward conversation around, “gee you look better”? Nothing. Why?  So many questions.   

I think tomorrow, I shall effect a new social study: I will deliberately tie my necktie under one collar, and over the other one; I will then see how many interpersonal interactions I have before someone says something to me – and how long into that conversation it takes for that person to comment. I will report out my findings.